I could not take it anymore. I the anxiety I would feel on a daily bases, the gurgling in my stomach, the stress. So, I quit!
I quit the game that I grew up loving. And I quit right before my senior year. At the time I did not know what I know now, but the mental stress the daily practices and drills were causing me. I quickly loss the love of the game. I went to the councilor several times to discuss my issues and concerns. At the time I was not able to articulate what I was feeling, what I was thinking. Perhaps I was even scared of what they would say.
After a short family vacation I came to the realization that I needed to quit football. The next school day I went into the councilors office to start the paperwork and looking for an alternative class for the same period. As I was going from class to class, looking for an alternative, one of the coaches tracked me down.
This coach took me in to the teachers’ lounge and we had a good long talk. I discussed my concerns, what I was feeling, and how I was so nervous every day. He pressed and asked why I was nervous, I told him that it was the drills we were doing. He mentioned that I was doing great in the drills and that all the other coaches would comment on my skill and tenacity. I told him that it was not the drills per se, it was not knowing what the drills were before class.
I told him I wanted to be mentally ready for the drills, and not knowing what they were freaked me out. Freaked me out to the point that I would have high anxiety leading up to class and at times I would not eat breakfast due to it.
This coach went on to tell me that I should not have those feelings and that I should have told the coaches a long time ago. I agreed with him but I told him I did not know how to tell the coaches. I did not want to look weak or to rock the boat.
He said my thinking was nonsense, I was doing more boat rocking by not saying anything. He convinced me to come back to class and to stay on the football team. I agreed.
I am glad I did, the coaching staff changed up the daily drills, we still had them but they would post them up a day or two, and sometimes a week in advanced. This allowed me to calm my nerves and be mentally prepared for the drills.
Staying on the team also created lifelong memories for my senior year. It was the last year I would play football but it was such a great experience. I do sit back and wonder what would happen if this coach did not stop me in the hall and gave me the opportunity to speak. I also wonder how many other athletes are in the same situation.
With Mental Health month I found it important to share this story, not for me, but for others. Our minds are very powerful, but we need to make sure we protect it at all costs. If we are having issues or concerns, we need to be able to speak up and ask for help. The help is there and it is a game and life changer.